I confess that the last week and a half or so has been one crazy ride. I met a boy at Bingo. We flirted, I
found stalked added him on Facebook and he was glad I did. We chatted, exchanged numbers, and then he took me to dinner and the theatre.
Since then we've been out several times, and he's spent the night a few too... Through it all he's always been a perfect gentleman. He opens the doors, he pays (even though he doesn't have to), and he always seems to say the right thing. I am in awe. And a bit smitten.
I confess that there is a catch. He is moving to the Oregon coast this weekend. I knew this from the start and never really expected to get caught in this whirlwind romance and get attached so fast. In a way having that expiration date looming was a good thing because I never hid my crazy. Why should I? He wasn't staying, so if I scared him off then it wouldn't make much of a difference. I laid it out on the table and was the most me I could be. He liked ME: crazy and with all my clutter.
I confess that I've found myself in tears more than once over the timing. I can't help it. It doesn't help that I'm listening to A Fine Frenzy at the same time... Melancholy rainy days just bring out the oh-so-sweet sadness that makes me want to wallow in it. In spite of that, I never once doubted that I was going to be okay, or that it was more than worth it for all the awesome memories we have made in such a short time.
Yesterday I confessed exactly how I was feeling and how heartbroken I was that he's leaving so soon... I confessed that I'd never ask him to stay but I very much wished he wasn't going, and that we could see where this would lead.
Most men would have bolted. Well, most men wouldn't have come this far in the first place. They would have gotten in my pants and moved far away without another thought. Through it all he's wanted to get to know me. He's wanted to make sure I was okay. He has said to me "And how do you feel about that?" And I have answered honestly.
He confessed that he was trying not to be angry because I was making him question his choices to leave. I confessed I was glad that I wasn't alone in feeling this way.
We decided that while we don't have faith in long distance relationships (so we wont tempt fate), we're both willing to be something more than friends and keep getting to know each other, to visit each other, and to see if our timing ever lines up and we land back in the same place. We're going to let it be what it will be, and we will either naturally grow apart with the distance or naturally come back around to each other again.
I confess that even though I am the most impatient person I know, I am excited to see where the ride takes us-and I'm not even going to try and read the last page first.
Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Ques sera sera
Whatever will be will be...