Aren't we all in some way or another?
I Confess: I am a mess.
I've been struggling with the fact that I loved someone very much, and then transferred that love into a friendship as much as I could, and then that person could just up and abandon me after years of hard work and me bending over backward for him. I can't believe most of it was manipulation, and that he obviously never cared enough to not up and just abandon me without real cause.
The hardest part is that he not only just stopped being my friend over something he made up in his own head, but that he actively tried to manipulate other mutual friends into doing the same to me. Then to other friends of theirs. I can't believe someone I truly loved could be that hateful and horrid to people.
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I wish I could just move on and be all at peace about it because I really don't need people like that in my life. I think it's just taking time for my heart to break again and then I'll heal. We never really got a break-up since we moved right into being friends so I guess this is it.
I Confess: I miss these two faces more than I can bear to say.
It's hit me really hard this week, since it's now been months since I've hugged them. My heart hurts for it. I want to hold them and talk to them and see how they are. But I can't. Because they're his kids. They're not mine, no matter how motherly I was to them for how long-and since he's cut me out-I lose them too. I ache to hold them.
I also confess:
- I'm on a "No Dating" kick again. Just not feeling it. Need some healing first.
- I'm tired of being sick.
- I'm glad that my friend who tried to commit suicide last weekend is getting the help he needs, and now that he's out of the hospital he's coming down to see us.
- Work is stressing me out. Our tools suck and mis-report, plus we're understaffed, and we're taking the blame for it.
- Gay Bingo is tonight, so that's a win.
- Also I'm getting a big bonus on the 15th because I won some awards at work.
- That whole bonus is going to the flat screen tv and surround sound I just bought off of David.
What do you have to confess?
I'm so sorry- this must be a really hard transition for you. And it seems so unfair for the kids, too- I'm sure they miss you tons. Try your best to focus on the good things- gay bingo and awards at work sound like some good things to think about :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, sweetie. It's heartbreak, and disbelief/confusion, and betrayal, all wrapped into one. That's quite a whallop. I think you're wise to break from dating while you heal that, and know that it is grief so it will take time. Don't expect to get over it quickly- be patient with yourself. And know that you're loved.
ReplyDeletewow. you have really been going through some stuff. heartache is hard i hope and pray that you will come out on the other side stronger and better for it...even though it sucks so hard right now. i adore you, i want good things for you and i am 100% sure good things are on the horizon.
ReplyDeleteUgh, what a nasty situation. I'm sorry that your ex friend is so immature. Sometimes I really have to wonder about people.
ReplyDeleteLoosing a friend is never easy, but when one looses a friend that way, the wounds they left behind can be hard to heal from. I have a couple of instances like that in my life and still think from time to time about how things were left in such disarray and heartbreak. I am sorry this had to happen to you. I understand it when you say you wish you could just make peace and leave people like that behind. But it is such a hard thing to do ( a good choice of course) but still hard. The worst part to me is hearing that he is trying to sabotage your other friendships. As if you something you did could warrant such a vindictive act! Hang in there blogger friend. YOu will get through this even if it's only time that gets you there.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your heartache. I wish I had some brilliant words of advice, or even some soothing words of comfort. But I don't. Other than to say that I'm sorry and that I hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry to read about your friend that tried to commit suicide. that really hits home. i've moved to the mad at my friend for doing it phase.
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