This week's song:
Human Punching Bag
by M. Ward
***
I feel like an emotional punching bag.
For now, I need to just step back and breath and try to heal from all of these bruises. Luckily, I have a few really amazing people in my life that have offered kind words and loving hugs that have helped in more ways than they know. To them, I am ever grateful for their love and support.
I understand that I'm not perfect, that I can make mistakes or sometimes be thoughtless when I speak, but I never do anything with bad intention. I never set out to hurt someone, or specifically try not to be there for anyone. I care, I really do-and I try to show that as much as possible. But I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes-I'm human.
Most of the time, I'm not really aware that I made a mistake or hurt anyone's feelings-and if someone felt slighted by me I'd expect them to do the adult thing and tell me so we can address the matter. I can't take it when someone just decides everything I have ever done is wrong and sets out to give me a massive emotional beating tearing me down and telling me every little thing they think is wrong with me. Usually this comes with a complete disregard for anything I've ever done in the past that was good or the fact that there was no bad intention to begin with.
It seems a lot that they save everything from their lives up and explode all over me without even taking the time to acknowledge that I have a side to the story, and that I may or may not have done what they're accusing me of.
My closest friends have discussed it with me and try to convince me it's not all me, and people are just taking out everything (regardless of whether it has anything to do with me or not) on me-and I take it instead of trying to protect myself. I take it because I feel like they need me to. They need to de-stress, or they're grieving and need an outlet-so I swallow my pride and push self-defense to the side and simply say "I'm sorry."
But I can't take it anymore. I'm only human, I make mistakes and will own up to what I can, but I have no more strength for the continual emotional beatings I take. I'm done. I don't love anyone any less, but I'm no longer going to accept being the punching bag, or hold onto the stress that these occasions bring. It's not fair to myself.
For now, I need to just step back and breath and try to heal from all of these bruises. Luckily, I have a few really amazing people in my life that have offered kind words and loving hugs that have helped in more ways than they know. To them, I am ever grateful for their love and support.
What are you listening to and why?
Link up!
Oh, sweetie....you can't be everything to everyone. I'm a living example of that (though I still struggle with it). They are being selfish in doing this, as well as childish.
ReplyDeleteThey may get over it, but they will continue this hurtful behavior on you if you enable and encourage it (which you're doing by allowing it). This is emotional abuse, and it will continue, even if they're good people, even if they apologize, UNLESS you refuse to be a part of it. You have to put your foot down in order for them to change (or, if you put your foot down and they continue, do not be friends with them- they clearly don't have your best interests at heart).
We all want to be good people, but it starts with caring for and protecting our SELF, first and foremost.
okay do i need to take a little trip to utah and kick someone's ass? i dont understand why some people think they can do no wrong. i swear that pisses me off. i have a friend (really he's a frenemy..the only reason i hang out with him is because my friends do) who has constantly treated me bad..and when i just ignore him with the silent treatment or argue back he calls me sensitive and says he doesn't think he should be the one apologizing because im so sensitive. ugh it's making me wanna kick his ass now just talking about.
ReplyDeletei actually thought about egging his house lol.
Ok, first off I love M. Ward! Great pick!
ReplyDeleteSecond, people need to just mind their own business sometimes. Sorry that you had a tear town happen to you. Hopefully it all smooths out soon, friend!
I don't understand people who feel the need to tear others down. Everyone feels crappy afterward so what's the point? I'm sorry someone was cruel to you…sending you virtual hugs and something yummy to nibble.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry- I know how hard that can be- I had friend blow up on me once and tell me everything she hated about me. It's definitely better to focus on the people who care about you and support you than the ones that bring drama into your life.
ReplyDeleteI've always been one of those people that really focuses on helping other people to be happy, about making sure other people are comfortable and cared for. Frequently at my own expense. Lately I've been learning how much that has damaged and hurt me. In ways I never even knew. It's a hard road, but I'm working toward taking better care of myself. Working on not always been there every minute for every person.
ReplyDeleteIt's like the safety instructions on an airplane. They always tell you in case of loss of cabin pressure, you're supposed to put on your own oxygen mask before you help the person next to you.
I guess I'm putting on my oxygen mask.
man alive, I hate people sometimes! I'm sorry that you're going through this struggle. I have been in similar situations myself and it took a long {and I mean years in some cases} time to realize that the people who treat you like that aren't really your friends. It's sometimes hard to let go when you think about the good times but in the end you have to take your own mental health and emotions into consideration FIRST.
ReplyDelete