Somebody That I Used To Know

This is my favorite song right now.

Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

I told myself that you were right for me

But felt so lonely in your company

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

[[chorus]]

[But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

Guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know]

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believing it was always something I had done

But I don't wanna live that way, reading into every word you say

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on 

somebody that you used to know

[[chorus]]

When do you decide that something is actually over?  How do you determine when it's time to let go of something that you've held onto so tightly and fought for over and over trying to make it work for so long?  Can exes ever actually be friends without it being weird?  I used to think so, but I think I may have been wrong all along.

Something always goes wrong.  There's always a certain kind of awkwardness between you, a tension that neither of you can ever quite let go of.  I fight that tension by joking about it.  Nothing is sacred.  Make fun of the things that feel awkward or make you sad, because then they become less-that's how I was taught.  That's how the world shaped me.  Make fun of it until it becomes a joke, and you can just laugh at it instead of feeling hurt.

Unfortunately that doesn't work for everyone and some people would rather just ignore any of the history you had together to avoid having to think about it or resolving it.  They swallow it down and pretend it never happened. Maybe those people aren't meant to be a part of your life. That reason you broke up in the first place, maybe it's the reason why you can't actually be friends later on either.

I held on for a very long time, because that's what friends do, and because there were kids involved. Kids I love more than I could possibly explain-kids that I loved like they were my own.  I held on because he was someone I cared about very much and who I enjoyed hanging out with.  Because despite the fact that I had loved him very much, he had always been a friend who I enjoyed -and that to me was more important than any intimate or romantic relationship we'd ever had.  

But it's over now.  We can't be friends.  All because of something I didn't actually do, and can't figure out why I'm getting all of the blame for it.  I wont go into details, I'm just saying that it's done.  But I think he was just looking for an excuse to burn the bridge.  So I'll let him burn his bridge if it makes him feel better and I'll walk away.  Change can be good, maybe this will work out to be better for me in the long run.