I guess, before I get this pity party started, I should apologize for the negativity in advance. So... I'm sorry. However, I think you all deserve an excuse as to where I've been lately...
I've been trying so very hard to remain my usually optimistic and positive self; but I'm at my breaking point right now. Lately, I've been making an effort not to talk about work on my blog, even though it gets mentioned here now and again; I've kept a lot of the details private. Today, I think I'll go ahead and share a few of those details. I do so, in hopes that you'll all understand why I have been slacking when it comes to leaving comments on your blogs and updating mine with actual content and not filler. I love quotes and pretty pictures, but let's face it-it's been my excuse to not have to sit down and write.
When my last job was about to lay me off (most of you remember me praying for them to keep me) I took another job as a "just in case" scenario. That scenario became reality as they didn't keep me on at the end of the season, with which it turned into an "until I find something better, or the last job takes me back" job. I severely disliked it from the very start, but kept telling myself something better would come along.
The reasons I don't like it? A: The facility is severely ghetto, and I don't say that lightly. The grounds are covered (and I do mean literally covered) by several thousand cigarette butts that never get cleaned up and the bathroom is disgusting and too often stalls are unavailable do to used sanitary supplies and clogged toilets. AND B: The pay is pretty low for training, and then it turns into performance based pay. Now, I like to give it all I have, so I should do pretty well... BUT, it's also the type of job where you're only being paid for the time on a call. If I'm at work on time, sitting there waiting for a call to come in and it's slow, I'm not getting paid. This has me severely stressed.
Well, in the course of looking for something else, an old manager from an old job of mine (from 2 years ago) emailed me to say they'd fired some of the upper management that had outsourced the company to India, and they wanted to hire me back. I applied, interviewed, and was told I had done very very well. They called and offered me the job. No benefits, but the raise in pay was significant enough to make up for any of that. I accepted. The next day they called and changed their minds. I was pretty upset...
Luckily for me, the very same day they reneged on their offer, my most recent job called and told me to reapply for the new positions they had available, and so I did. I am now waiting for their reply with strong hopes and crossed fingers. I would very much like to go back to work there, and I know that my most recent experiences will make me one of the most grateful employees they have. I don't think I'll take my job for granted ever again, if I can only get one I like. I like that company. I like the product, and I know it well enough to do a good job and continue to learn more.
I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about my work situation right now, and I kind of want to go curl up in bed and hide from it all... However, I can't. Ever the responsible one, I'll keep trekking back and forth to a job I hate, while searching diligently for one that I can really shine in. I'm an excellent employee.
Keep your fingers crossed for me friends, and please be patient with my absence and lack of comments. I'm still here and reading, I just sometimes don't have the energy to leave word or write a detailed post... Hopefully when the stress calms down I'll be back in full force.
I realize that yesterday was the first day I've missed a post since I promised myself I would post every day this year. Part of me feels like I've failed a little bit, but the rest of me is just exhausted.
I feel a bit... Defeated.
Like I've been fighting tooth and nail for two weeks, to no avail.
I was given the job I wanted.
She called, offered it to me with .50cents more an hour than I planned.
But the next day she called and reneged.
My old managers were in an uproar over it.
I'm really grateful that they have my back like they do.
I was just so frustrated.
But at this moment?
I just feel defeated.
Like there isn't much fight left in me at the moment.
The last job I had?
You know, the one I kept praying that they'd keep me?
There are 3 more positions open.
Resubmitted my resume.
I'm praying one of these places will take me on.
Keep your fingers crossed for me, k?
I went to the bar with people from work last night.
It was quite a bit of fun, and for the evening I forgot most of my work troubles.
I'm working on catching up on blogs for the next day or two.
If you haven't heard from me, hopefully you will here in the next little bit.
I miss all of your blogs!
Also, if you've given me an award (because I know I've missed a few) and you don't see it over on the left side of my blog with a thank you to you specifically, or you haven't seen a post thanking you for it, please let me know! I need to get caught up on my awards too.
(Miss Krista, I'm reading but for some reason it wont let me comment on your blog.)
He always writes such awesome short stories and poetry. I have always enjoyed his blogs, and his comments. He is one of my best commentators, and he always makes sure to stop by and say hello and leave some wisdom.
One of my very dear friends just experienced his first breakup. Luckily it wasn't very messy, as it was for very good reasons and they both agreed that they still love each other and hope to someday have a better chance in the future when some things are out of the way. They handled it with much more grace and maturity than most people, but as many of you know (I know very well) no matter how amicable the breakup, it still hurts like hell.
I've been talking to him and helping him get through it, and in discussing things he'd hoped for in the future with this person, I stopped to remind him that there was still a chance for it in the future. He replied "That's all I want."
Just a chance...
That set me to thinking, isn't that exactly what any of us want?
On many an occasion I have sat and talked with a single male friend, and many of those I found attractive or had feelings for in some way. They'd get to talking about girls they'd loved and wanted, and all the heartache they'd been through, and one thought would resonate within me; "if you'd had me instead of her, you wouldn't be hurting like this." All I had wanted was a chance. A chance to prove to them that I was that amazing person they were looking for, but they hadn't noticed it right in front of their face. I had been overlooked for some little reason, and they would go on to continue dating girls that wouldn't treat them right.
I too, only want a chance. A chance to show that I am the best decision, and that I could really make them happy, if only they'd give me a moment to prove it.
So I'm still struggling to find the time to blog, and right now I'm too tired to sit down and write out all the things I want to talk about. Maybe I should just give you all a little taste?
Today I went swimming. It's still not quite warm enough, so everyone else got out to get warm, but I stayed a while. I have a nice little sunburn too. Just light enough that it'll turn into a lovely little tan; just dark enough that I'm grinning over my first sun-stained skin of the season.
I still haven't heard from the new job, but all signs point to a very delightful looking outcome. I'll keep you updated.
My two friends (Megan and Andy) that I set up a while back? They're crazy about each other, and they just made their relationship official! I'm so happy for them, I couldn't have picked two better people to introduce to each other. Here's hoping they have a long and prosperous relationship.
One thing that this proves-I am way better at picking matches for other people than for myself.
We're going to leave my slight infatuation at the moment off the books. It's probably not a great idea anyway and/or he's probably not into me back... So it's better left unsaid at this moment BUT, it is the first infatuation I've felt in a very long time... No matter how unrequited it may be, it feels pretty damn good for a second.
Want to hear something rather bizarre?
I seriously can't believe the random stuff that happens to me and that I find out about now that I have this blog.
The girl who had been dating my ex at the same time as me, and who left me anonymous comments a month or so ago on a post talking about him (many of you may remember these posts, if not the link is coming) emailed me today. She said she was looking at THIS POST and was shocked to come across yet another anonymous comment. This time, however, it wasn't from her. It happened to be [womanizer]'s first ex-wife, and she'd stumbled across my blog and learned what had all been happening. She was surprised, because apparently while he was dating both this other girl and me, he was also working with her to try and fix their relationship.
It's just funny to me now, other than I feel bad for these women that he's hurt them. I no longer care about my side of the story, as I'm healing and moving on. I have no doubt he will get his Karma, and I hope these two amazing women can go on and find men that will be worth their time. He so obviously is not.
Anyway, wish me luck in the job market!
(and maybe the crush, if you feel so inclined... ;P)
Keeping my fingers crossed, and sending you all buckets full of love.
I'll leave you all with this adorable pic I found on Photobucket.
This spotlight really is more for you readers than her, as she has a TON of readers, but I do hope she sees how awesome I think she is. But the reason I chose her was so all of my lovely readers could experience the joy her blog brings me. I seriously look forward to every. single. post.
She's not only hilarious, amazingly talented and funny; but also incredibly insightful. Every post makes me feel something, laugh, and leaves me thinking about the meaning of it all.
***Before you read on, you should be aware that this post is going to be talking about penis. If you're offended by that, or you're the "weak of heart" type, might wanna skip it! Loves!***
This was a conversation that took place the other day when Kri and her two kids were driving with me. Now, to preface said conversation, her 2 year old son is not circumsized-which is something non of us have dealt with in the past.
I was driving her car, she was in the front seat, and the two little ones were in the back.
Kri: The other day Kaden was taking a bath, and he got to "exploring" and all of the sudden I hear "Mommy my weener is purple!" So I went to go check, and sure enough he'd pulled it back and it was purple underneath... Do you think that is normal?
Me: (Stunned) Um... I don't know... Kaden's the first baby I've ever seen that wasn't circumsized.
Kri: But you slept with *uncircumsized mutual friend*, was his purple?
(By this time I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath)
Me: (Still laughing uncontrollably) It um... Looked like a normal penis... Why would you ask me about *uncircumsized mutual friend*?
Kri: I can't very well ask him. That would be awkward. 'Hey *uncircumsized male friend* is your penis purple?
Me: Well... I know that the unsheathed part of a dog's penis is purple... (Kristina stops laughing momentarily and looks shocked) What? I'm pretty sure it is! It's probably normal... If it's never seen the light of day before...
(We're both dying of laughter by this point...)
Kri: (Realizing that she may be scarring her son because we're laughing so hard at this point) It's ok Kaden! I'm sure your weener is just fine!
Kaden: (With all the courage of any natural-born man) Oh it is!
"I think I'm possibly one bad date away from bitter."
Carrie Bradshaw SATC
I was going to sit down and post this as my Sunday Citar quote, but after sitting on it a few minutes, I decided to write something else.
I got home from work yesterday, and slipped into what has been my usual routine after work this past week. Made myself dinner, ate too much pie, and watched episode after episode of Sex And The City. At first I wasn't so into this show. These girls are a bit too materialistic for my taste, or so they seemed at first. However, after the fourth season, which I felt was much deeper than it's three predecessors-I find myself on the fifth one and falling a bit in love with these characters and the fact that they're single and still trying to live life to the fullest in New York City.
Though I live in a much smaller city, I can't help but relate to the love they feel for NYC. Tonight I watched the show, stressed about work, and felt generally lonely and in fear of ending up like these 35 year old women-still alone. Then, I heard the street sweeper outside of my apartment and went to the window. As I watched it turn around on my corner, a fragrant Spring breeze rustled the leaves and washed over me. Looking down at the green grass below me, my gaze traveled to the street just in time to watch a Subaru driven by a granola chick with red hair and a beatnik beanie. The only thought I had? "I love this place."
I love living here. This city is my home, and who needs love when you can be in love with the world around you? With every yuppie jogging by or walking their golden retrievers and exotic dogs. I love the sound of both the birds chirping and the cars quickly driving by. I LOVE that I can walk a few blocks east to the local market, or a few blocks west to the park and pond; while only having a short drive to the theatre, health store, regular store, book store and downtown.
It hit me. It doesn't matter if I have to commute to work, or commute to see my friends. I LOVE where I live, and I love my friends and family so I will make it happen no matter where I'm working or how busy my life gets. I'm working on getting a better job that will afford me the chance to go back to school, and to get all of the things and see all of the places I've been dreaming of. This could be what is best for me, and who am I to fight the winds of change?
I love my City, my friends, my life... Now it's time to see where the rest falls into place.
Yesterday I was able to go to my grandmothers for a BBQ, even though I was late for it. Then I ventured to my brother's baseball game where I got to hang out with my brother, his friend, my sister and her husband, my wonderful grandmother and grandpa, and my amazing Mother. That was how we celebrated Mother's Day.
I ♥ my beautiful Mother.
And my strong and amazing grandmother.
Plus my other grandmother (I don't have a great pic) and my aunts.
I heard this song on the radio today, and it really seemed to strike a cord with me. I love Hayley William's (Paramore) voice, it's so pretty and the lyrics in this song really touched me. In fact I teared up, because lets face it, once in a while we can all use a wish can't we?
Java is so much fun! She's so sweet, and always leaves really awesome comments. I enjoy her posts, and I really like the fact that she nicknamed her family after coffee. She's Java, her husband is Joe, and her four boys are Venti, Grande, Tall, and short. Her oldest son's girlfriend is even nicknamed Mocha!