So it's officially been a week that I've been away from home. I have to say, I've been pretty homesick, and missing everyone. The constant thing seems to be that I'm missing [womanizer] a lot, and in those times where I find myself having a hard time sleeping, I lay there and think about what it would be like if he were there beside me. The opportunity to see him before I left was very brief, but last night we had an amazing conversation where we discussed what we want from each other. All of the things I'd been meaning to say, I finally said, admitting that I was ready to move forward and be more than what we have been. It's been over a year that we've been attempting to date, and I still have this deep sure feeling within me that he's it... I wont deny that I could be wrong, but it's something that even in my times of doubt has always been strongly felt. So here I stand, ready to explore it and try and see where this could honestly go.
He admitted to me that he feels the same way, even going as far as to say that he lays awake at night wondering about me too. I found that incredibly sweet, and just about stopped breathing when the words "I'm in love with you because of who you are" slipped out of his mouth. It would seem that he feels just as strongly as I do, but he has doubts as to whether or not this is an emotional response on my part or whether I will be consistent with my desire to have a relationship with him. All-in-all, we're going to keep talking to each other this month and re-evaluate where we stand (and the possibility of a relationship) when I get home in August.
As for my journey to California, the Vegas bit was a pain. I was exhausted from having spent the previous week at Lake Powell, and then I hadn't slept for 2 days because I had been stressing about packing and getting here. So I didn't really want to go out and party with everyone while I was there, and I felt like I was a bit of a drag and went back to the room to sleep while they went
dancing. The whole 3 days in Vegas were extremely frustrating, as everyone seemed annoyed with everyone and there was a lot of tension and fighting. Also, Vegas lacked a lot of excitement for me because I had just been there 2 months earlier with Josh and Max, and it had been a blast then. However, it was very cool to meet Melanie's best friend Cynthia, who has a similar sense of humor to me and is an absolute doll! I really enjoyed her company and would like to get to know here better!
For the fourth of July, I packed the kids up in Melanie's mini van and headed over to Pechanga, the casino where both her and Bill work. They were having a Native American Powwow to celebrate, and I thought it would be a pretty neat opportunity. I missed a lot of the dancing, but did have time to get wander the booths, see the fireworks, and get the kids each a snow cone before we headed home. I will say that watching fireworks to the beat of native tribal music is amazing and beautiful. The kids seemed in awe of it all too. However, the drive home was absolute HELL, as it the usual half hour drive took me nearly 2 hours the the toddler in the backseat crying because he was tired, and Brianna expressing her extreme need to use the restroom and fast! It was terrible, and by the time we made it home, all three of us crashed pretty quickly.
I'm having an ok time though, it's been really terrific bonding with Brianna again and reminding her of all the time we spent together when she was littler. We've been working on her spelling and writing, and I've done my best to make sure we become very good friends. We spend a lot of time cuddling and chatting about various things. She's been such a neat little friend to have, as she is really smart and I can actually carry on a conversation with her, and she asks lots of fun little questions. She just started Horse Camp today, and she's really loving it so far! Brianna has always had an obsession with horses, and it's good to see her starting to develop a good hobby with them!
Mason is a super sweet boy, but I'm having an insanely hard time trying to help him talk. He's over two, and he doesn't say more than 10 words, the rest seems to be grunting and whining. It's not that he isn't smart, because he is, it's just that he wont even try and I'm at a loss for what to try with him. Maybe it will just take patience? I know that most second children take longer to talk because the first child does most of it for her, but I don't know... He's really precious though, and I love those rare opportunities I get to set him on my lap and make him giggle. He's the messiest eater I've ever met, and also the easiest child I've ever had to put to bed, he actually likes laying down to sleep!
So to wrap this all up, I'm still really looking forward to all the things my cousin may take me to try. I'm also going to make my first dentist appointment in like 6 years, because my mouth is killing me and the local dental school will do it for much cheaper than most. This would be good, because I still don't have any insurance and a large lack of money. We're going to make a couple trips to the beach, and hopefully Disneyland and the No Doubt concert, but I still have to figure all of that out. :) Not to forget my excitement closely related to the restaurants in Southern California including (but not limited to) all-you-can-eat Sushi, seafood, authentic Chinese (Yay Sam Woo!), Thai, and maybe even Jamaican food!
Even though I'm excited for all of this, I will still be happy when it's time to go home, because I have so much to look forward to there as well! I'm getting an apartment with Josh in Sugarhouse, finding a new (and hopefully better) job, and starting a relationship with someone I think I will continue to fall madly in love with and build a solid life with. Life looks so beautiful in the future, even if there are still a few road-bumps along the way!
Blessed Be!
