The roommate brought up an interesting point with me last night, he looked at me quizzically and said "You place a lot of importance on sex." Being the inner work junkie that I am, it sent my mind reeling about the concept. Do I really place too much importance on sex? As I look back, there is evidence to prove his theory, and I wonder what has caused me to do so.Maybe it's because sex isn't all physical to me. The physical I can handle on my own, it's the intimate connection I expect from being with another person that keeps me coming back. I think the other night I desperately wanted to connect again, and the only logical conclusion I could come to was to use sex to keep us from drifting further apart, but not everyone thinks like me, and that isn't necessarily the healthiest way to go about it.
This doesn't mean anything is going to change; I just thought it was interesting. One thing I can say though, since we didn't sleep together the other night, I do think things have changed, at least within me. However, that's not necessarily a bad thing; it might be just what I need. Last night I was thinking about how he was with the other girl he's dating and how she was "getting my makeup sex" and it agitated me. I started thinking more in depth about what he was asking me to do by continuing to see him knowing he was seeing other people, and about just what I was asking myself by deciding to keep seeing him in such circumstances.
I care for him very much, but I'm not sure if I will be able to continue on with this knowledge in the back of my head. For now, I haven't made any complete decisions, but I have to take into consideration that I do indeed want something real and sound. I want to feel like I'm special to someone, and I don't think I can get that knowing that those special things he does for me, he's doing for someone else too.
If I discontinue, it will indeed be difficult because of the feelings I have for him; but I need to start believing that I am worth more. That I deserve more. Not just here, but throughout the rest of my life. No more selling myself short, I'm going to reach for those things in life that make me happy, because I deserve to be happy.
Any opinions?
I think distnacing yourself from the musician is a good thing.... you just CANT share......
ReplyDelete:)
You're a woman, and the majority of us cannot separate sex and emotional intimacy. It's a biochemical thing. So don't even try.
ReplyDeleteNow, armed with the knowledge that sex, for you, is akin to saying "I love you", the only thing you can do is withhold it until you are certain you are in a good relationship and the man truly cares about and is loyal to you. It's a pain to deny yourself the pleasure of intimacy, I know. But try waiting 5-7 dates next time. I scoffed when a friend recommended this, but she was dead on. If there's a guy you are interested in, go out on at least five dates with him. That's something on the order of a month of talking, to get expectations set and to understand what each of you is offering and asking with this relationship. IF at that point you feel you have a future with him, then sleep with him. And be honest with him before you sleep with him, too, even though he may 'run away' to know that for you, sex is a big deal. I think every man secretly admires women who are selective about their partners because they understand what an emotional commitment sex is. And just so you know this two cents isn't some glibe rehashed BS, I went from one-night stands (making out and sex, for two years in the ren faire and SCA circuit) and being romantically miserable, through hellish relationships, to being selective and up front about it (and now getting less sex, but greater quality and having good solid relationships). There is nothing wrong with knowing yourself. :)